Musings: Distance

A friend of mine once said that it's hard to keep in contact with people that aren't close to where are. He continues to say that if you are able to talk to them in some way that's good enough. There are a lot of truths in what he says. A lot of people, once they finish high school lose touch with the good friends they have made there. Why? Well sometimes it's because you don't like the people you met at high school and wouldn't bat an eye if you never see or hear from them again but most of the time it's because they've moved on to the next stage in life and usually that means away from where everyone congregated.

The next stage in life after high school for me was university. There's a saying that goes, the friends you make at university are they friends you'll have for life. For a lot of people that's what happens but I argue it's because usually during the university years you are working with and making friends that are going to be working in the same field as you  and often going to be in the same area after university.

For those that move away, as the years goes on without regular face to face contact, they start to become distant. That's because friendships aren't nurtured and people grow apart. Friends become acquaintances and then acquaintances are never heard from again. Reasons they have moved away might be because they have found a career path in that location or a partner has taken them there. Whilst there, the people they met will then become their 'friends for life' and usually due to proximity. We are prone to a life of convenience and it even applies to the people in our lives.

It's not to say those you lose contact with disappear into obscurity. No. If it happens it takes a very long time. However, what I am trying to say is the more time that separates people the more distant a person can get or seem. It's because without regular contact you don't know what the others are doing and the events they have been through. You cannot grow with them, so to speak, and share their experiences. Without that sharing you know less of a person as time goes on. People can talk about it but without experiencing it with them, one it's not the same.

Of course when I talk about these things, I talking from my experiences. It has been 7 years since I finished university and 11 years since high school at the time of writing this. I moved back to Whangarei from Auckland because I couldn't get a job and living expenses was a concern. Ever since then I have kept up with people as much as I could but whenever I do it was a special trip. There was no 'hanging out' in the sense you could just head out for a casual gathering and then come back. Sure it was doable but at 4 hours minimum travel time plus travel time in Auckland and time spent with friends, it's not a quick night out. Add to those, 25 litres of petrol, it isn’t cheap either. Nevertheless whenever people invited me or I need a weekend away I would travel down.

As the years went on I felt like I was becoming less a part of the group but as the visitor from the north. New bonds form what was local and easy to access, I've been in Whangarei. The group moves forward this visitor is just that, a visitor. I have seen this with friends I have. All not in the area that I’m in. All moving on with their lives. Some of them have got married, some of them have migrated overseas, and some of them are buying if not bought a house and other living the life of the mid-late 20 something’s. As everyone moves with time it seems like I'm getting left behind and as the distance increases, I'm left wondering, could I close the gap?

The Internet, through instant messengers and social networking helps but what if the person doesn't use them? For some reason though, instant messages, emails and other forms of text communication is not the same as 'hanging out'. Though the facilities are there, I've found, as we move forward, even Internet communications fades. It seems like the only way is to move into the same area as them.